"Sticks and Stones may break your bones, but words can kill your soul....."
Tonight at work I was talking with two of my amazing Christian, live for God friends. One of them said something was gay, and as I do with anyone who uses the term in this manner I replied with, "you mean homosexual right, because Gay and stupid are not the same thing."
The boy replied with, "well they pretty much are" and my other friend said "yea they really are." Whether this was said in jest or not it is NOT ok. These people call themselves Christians and are talking constantly about Jesus' love and how we need to love one another in that manner. Saying things like this is NOT loving anyone. They probably think nothing of it, and have no idea that I am bi-sexual, and that jokes like that are what keep me up, typing at 6:20 in the morning with tears streaming down my face. Hardly anyone in my church knows about me for this reason. I know many would not treat me any different. But what about these two?
Would they tell me I was stupid, going to hell? I dint think I still would have this at the church I am at now, but i am starting to realize how naive I really was. This pain will haunt me forever, same as every other person who is connected to the LGBT in anyway. People through around phrases and don't even think that they are killing someones soul. Would you go around saying black people are stupid and spouting the n word. Hell no! But its ok to be full of ignorance if it is towards gay people. Would Jesus have said "that's so gay" or tell someone not to watch broke back mountain because it had gay characters. Jesus does not condemn but truly loves EVERYONE. When you say we should all love one another, really think about how inclusive your being with that everyone. Are you truly loving as Jesus would?
"Straight Americans need... an education of the heart and soul. They must understand - to begin with - how it can feel to spend years denying your own deepest truths, to sit silently through classes, meals, and church services while people you love toss off remarks that brutalize your soul. "~Bruce Bawer, The Advocate, 28 April 1998
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Sunday, August 16, 2009
This one will be a long one...you have been warned
Ok so I am going to apologize right up front. God is putting a lot of things that are all sort of connected on my heart right now so I needed to write. Because there are a ton of things on my mind this blog will most likely involve many off shoots and may be unfocused, but it all is necessary.
So my family has started doing a family bible study this summer to grow closer as a family and center our family more around God. Sometimes in the craziness that is life, God can get shoved to the back burner since we know God will always be there. That is not ok. So we were doing our family bible study and are reading Romans 8 this week. I realize as we are discussing we are only concentrating on questions, negatives, or things that confuse us. Do not get me wrong, these things are important and necessary and that discussion should always occur, but there was a vital area missing from our discussion. The awesome glory that is God and all that He has done for us. We talked about all sorts of questions we had pertaining to judgement day and afterlife and authority and a ton of other some what intense, and not always uplifting topics.
We were totally focused on these topics which matter greatly, but we completely ignored all the beautiful and uplifting things Paul has written in Romans 8. One of my favorite versus is "If God be for us, who can be against us?" Instead of discussing how beautiful and powerful God is, and how powerful he can be if we let him use us, we talked about how it was used by the Spanish Inquisition to justify their evil crimes.
I want to re-stress that these things should be talked about, but we cannot loose what matters in them. We cannot get so bogged down in the confusing, or conflicting feeling we find while reading our word that we ignore the beautiful message of hope, glory, and mercy that also resides in those pages.
Off shoot alert!
We as Christians often fear questions; whether they are presented to us by our own minds, the questions of other believers and especially the questions of non-believers. We cannot fear the unknown, but instead find reverence in it. There are things I am not 100% on about my Lord and I'm ok with that, are you? If I asked five of my Christian friends what they thought about the creation I would get five different answers, and that's ok. We Christians try to hide our different beliefs and the things we do not know. Some of us even get defensive and angry when we are asked a question we cannot answer.
For example, one thing that my mind cannot get itself wrapped around is Jesus. He was 100% man AND 100% God...that is 200% of a person!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHH! I cannot understand it fully. But I love it. There is evidence that shows that evolution is very plausible, yet the bible says the universe was made in seven days. What is seven days to God, he has no time restrictions, he has no need or use of time, he is everywhere always. Those are just a few of the things I don't know, my lack of knowledge is overwhelming, but I'm completely willing to admit it. I am not afraid to tell my none, or my christian friends that I am unsure of something involving my relationship to God. I do not give reverence to a random human who died and now controls the universe. I give reverence to God....let me say that again, God.
I will never, ever be able to fully know God, not even after I join him will I fully Know him. God is everywhere always, he is three people all as one, he lives within each of us in a different way and uses all of us for his glory simultaneously! This defies all human understanding of, well frankly, anything. God is not meant to be wholly understood. He is meant to pursued, chased, studied, and discussed everyday. It is not our job as a christian to Know God, it is our job as Christians to pursue God and His will in all that we do.
Off shoot two!!
Speaking of unknowns there are many things that Christians all have different ideas on, not only by denomination, but also by individual. All of us should have our own personal relationship with God, and in that our own person truths in God. God may place something on someones heart He will not on others, leading to different beliefs and interpretation of His Truth. We should not concentrate on our differences, but instead upon the ultimate truths that bind us. God sent his son to this earth to live as a human being and be sacrificed for our sins:past, present, and future. Jesus says, after putting no other God before the True God, the golden rule (do unto others as you would have done unto you) is the most important commandment.
Instead of creating divids and pointing out the differences between denominations we should bring together all believers to form the true body of God on earth. We must love one another unconditionally, not rant and preach and argue; but share, teach, and accept one another.
Off shoot three....last one promise.
We are called to love everyone, not just Christians. There is a bond that Christians can share with each other, they cannot share with non-Christians, simply because they are truly part of another family. We are not, however, meant to section ourselves off and be not true friends to non Christians. The best way to witness to others about Christ is to just live life with them. No judgements, no condemnation. Just love and a smile. That is much easier said then done, but I believe that should be our ultimate goal in life; to show others God's love, even if it is just by smiling at them as we walk by on a crappy rainy day.
So my family has started doing a family bible study this summer to grow closer as a family and center our family more around God. Sometimes in the craziness that is life, God can get shoved to the back burner since we know God will always be there. That is not ok. So we were doing our family bible study and are reading Romans 8 this week. I realize as we are discussing we are only concentrating on questions, negatives, or things that confuse us. Do not get me wrong, these things are important and necessary and that discussion should always occur, but there was a vital area missing from our discussion. The awesome glory that is God and all that He has done for us. We talked about all sorts of questions we had pertaining to judgement day and afterlife and authority and a ton of other some what intense, and not always uplifting topics.
We were totally focused on these topics which matter greatly, but we completely ignored all the beautiful and uplifting things Paul has written in Romans 8. One of my favorite versus is "If God be for us, who can be against us?" Instead of discussing how beautiful and powerful God is, and how powerful he can be if we let him use us, we talked about how it was used by the Spanish Inquisition to justify their evil crimes.
I want to re-stress that these things should be talked about, but we cannot loose what matters in them. We cannot get so bogged down in the confusing, or conflicting feeling we find while reading our word that we ignore the beautiful message of hope, glory, and mercy that also resides in those pages.
Off shoot alert!
We as Christians often fear questions; whether they are presented to us by our own minds, the questions of other believers and especially the questions of non-believers. We cannot fear the unknown, but instead find reverence in it. There are things I am not 100% on about my Lord and I'm ok with that, are you? If I asked five of my Christian friends what they thought about the creation I would get five different answers, and that's ok. We Christians try to hide our different beliefs and the things we do not know. Some of us even get defensive and angry when we are asked a question we cannot answer.
For example, one thing that my mind cannot get itself wrapped around is Jesus. He was 100% man AND 100% God...that is 200% of a person!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHH! I cannot understand it fully. But I love it. There is evidence that shows that evolution is very plausible, yet the bible says the universe was made in seven days. What is seven days to God, he has no time restrictions, he has no need or use of time, he is everywhere always. Those are just a few of the things I don't know, my lack of knowledge is overwhelming, but I'm completely willing to admit it. I am not afraid to tell my none, or my christian friends that I am unsure of something involving my relationship to God. I do not give reverence to a random human who died and now controls the universe. I give reverence to God....let me say that again, God.
I will never, ever be able to fully know God, not even after I join him will I fully Know him. God is everywhere always, he is three people all as one, he lives within each of us in a different way and uses all of us for his glory simultaneously! This defies all human understanding of, well frankly, anything. God is not meant to be wholly understood. He is meant to pursued, chased, studied, and discussed everyday. It is not our job as a christian to Know God, it is our job as Christians to pursue God and His will in all that we do.
Off shoot two!!
Speaking of unknowns there are many things that Christians all have different ideas on, not only by denomination, but also by individual. All of us should have our own personal relationship with God, and in that our own person truths in God. God may place something on someones heart He will not on others, leading to different beliefs and interpretation of His Truth. We should not concentrate on our differences, but instead upon the ultimate truths that bind us. God sent his son to this earth to live as a human being and be sacrificed for our sins:past, present, and future. Jesus says, after putting no other God before the True God, the golden rule (do unto others as you would have done unto you) is the most important commandment.
Instead of creating divids and pointing out the differences between denominations we should bring together all believers to form the true body of God on earth. We must love one another unconditionally, not rant and preach and argue; but share, teach, and accept one another.
Off shoot three....last one promise.
We are called to love everyone, not just Christians. There is a bond that Christians can share with each other, they cannot share with non-Christians, simply because they are truly part of another family. We are not, however, meant to section ourselves off and be not true friends to non Christians. The best way to witness to others about Christ is to just live life with them. No judgements, no condemnation. Just love and a smile. That is much easier said then done, but I believe that should be our ultimate goal in life; to show others God's love, even if it is just by smiling at them as we walk by on a crappy rainy day.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
So I just read an essay written by a Penn Teller about why he believes there is no God. I in no way wish to try and prove him wrong, or call him naive. He has reasons for why he does not believe in God. Those reasons, in fact, are very similar to the reason I do believe in God. He writes that he won the"genetic lottery" with having an amazing family. I also have been utterly blessed with an amazing, supportive, loving family. I won the genetic lottery, but I cannot think of it as chance. I was given a beautiful family, not for myself, but for others. My family has taught me about giving to others. Not feeling sorry for others, but understanding how they are feeling and helping them. Because of who my family was I have been able to be used to help my friends through their rough times, whether it be with a house to live in, or a fat cuddly friend to hug while watching A Walk To Remember.
There is epic pain and extreme evil in the world. I believe this easily as I have had to witness it. I also believe that these are not for nothing. We do not simply have a God that sits back and lets evil occur. We, instead, have a God who allows us to grow and learn closer with him through the pain in our lives. If we have not known utter sadness, how are we to know utter happiness? If we do not have to crawl blind in the dark, how do we know when we have reached the light? Sin creates pain and hurt and evil in the world, but God, God gives us beauty and love and shelter of the body and soul.
I cannot not believe in God, not only because of the good I've witnessed, but also because of the evil. Evil that can only exist due to an absence of God in a person's heart. The Love I have witnessed and felt also allows God to be seen. I feel God's warmth every time I hold my fiance's hand, or every time I hug a friend, or get tucked in by my parents. I cannot deny that God exists because I have felt him in my heart and seen him in eyes and hearts of the people I love.
I want everyone to take this opportunity to think about why they believe in God, or don't depending on the situation. Think on it, and really examine your own heart.
There is epic pain and extreme evil in the world. I believe this easily as I have had to witness it. I also believe that these are not for nothing. We do not simply have a God that sits back and lets evil occur. We, instead, have a God who allows us to grow and learn closer with him through the pain in our lives. If we have not known utter sadness, how are we to know utter happiness? If we do not have to crawl blind in the dark, how do we know when we have reached the light? Sin creates pain and hurt and evil in the world, but God, God gives us beauty and love and shelter of the body and soul.
I cannot not believe in God, not only because of the good I've witnessed, but also because of the evil. Evil that can only exist due to an absence of God in a person's heart. The Love I have witnessed and felt also allows God to be seen. I feel God's warmth every time I hold my fiance's hand, or every time I hug a friend, or get tucked in by my parents. I cannot deny that God exists because I have felt him in my heart and seen him in eyes and hearts of the people I love.
I want everyone to take this opportunity to think about why they believe in God, or don't depending on the situation. Think on it, and really examine your own heart.
Monday, July 27, 2009
Where were you? Where were you?
God. Big loaded and sometimes intimidating word. I was raised in a catholic household, and went to church every Sunday. I didn't like it, for many reasons. I felt judged, as I identify as bisexual, the Catholic church was not exactly the most gentle loving place, especially because at the time I was questioning my sexuality my state was voting on an anti-gay marriage bill, which my church loved. I felt judged at church, but as far as God was concerned my family had always told me God cares about a persons heart, not who is in their bed. I was raised in a pro-choice, pro-gay rights, catholic house hold. I felt loved and accepted at home, and it was there, rather than church that helped me to see God's love. But I never felt it.
I would go to church and see everyone praying and worshipping and they looked so happy and at peace. I never felt that. I prayed and prayed for God to reveal himself to me. I felt like no one was listening and I felt completly alone. Some of my friends had such a light in them, and I felt like God just didn't want, I was too much of a sinner, I couldn't possibly be good enough for him.
My good friend and I had talked about this a lot and she invited me to her Youth group. I was scared and would make excuses not to go for months. Then one night I just decided to go, it felt right. That night I, for hr first time, felt like God was listening. Then I went to college and found a church there that I loved.I was so happy. But I pretended at first. I thought there was no way these people could love me for me. They all know God so well and never seem to sin. They'll judge me and think I'm gross. I cuss, I drank, I went to parties, and I still had not had a real connection with God.
The more people I met in the church the more loved I felt. I started to reveal myself to these people and I felt loved I hadn't felt since I left home. They took me as I was with all my flaws and failures and really truly loved me. They showed me what Christ loves was like by loving me for me and helping me, talking to me, and listening to me. They gave me the courage to take my problems to God. I was finally able to start a conversation with God and just sit and listen. I was so happy at first. Then I got angry.
I was so mad. I had asked, pleaded begged for God in my life for years. How dare he deny me and make it so easy later, after I had tried so hard earlier. I was angry for a long time. Then I realized God waited to reveal himself to me because he truly Knew me. If he would have revealed himself to me when I was younger it would have been fleeting, a passing trend. He waited until I was mature enough to not only have him and feel him in my heart. But to truly hold him there.
I am still flawed, I still cuss, especially when I'm angry. I have intense struggles with lust, anger, and being judgemental. But I am working through all my problems and I know that God loves me despite them.
I would go to church and see everyone praying and worshipping and they looked so happy and at peace. I never felt that. I prayed and prayed for God to reveal himself to me. I felt like no one was listening and I felt completly alone. Some of my friends had such a light in them, and I felt like God just didn't want, I was too much of a sinner, I couldn't possibly be good enough for him.
My good friend and I had talked about this a lot and she invited me to her Youth group. I was scared and would make excuses not to go for months. Then one night I just decided to go, it felt right. That night I, for hr first time, felt like God was listening. Then I went to college and found a church there that I loved.I was so happy. But I pretended at first. I thought there was no way these people could love me for me. They all know God so well and never seem to sin. They'll judge me and think I'm gross. I cuss, I drank, I went to parties, and I still had not had a real connection with God.
The more people I met in the church the more loved I felt. I started to reveal myself to these people and I felt loved I hadn't felt since I left home. They took me as I was with all my flaws and failures and really truly loved me. They showed me what Christ loves was like by loving me for me and helping me, talking to me, and listening to me. They gave me the courage to take my problems to God. I was finally able to start a conversation with God and just sit and listen. I was so happy at first. Then I got angry.
I was so mad. I had asked, pleaded begged for God in my life for years. How dare he deny me and make it so easy later, after I had tried so hard earlier. I was angry for a long time. Then I realized God waited to reveal himself to me because he truly Knew me. If he would have revealed himself to me when I was younger it would have been fleeting, a passing trend. He waited until I was mature enough to not only have him and feel him in my heart. But to truly hold him there.
I am still flawed, I still cuss, especially when I'm angry. I have intense struggles with lust, anger, and being judgemental. But I am working through all my problems and I know that God loves me despite them.
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